Still single

The death of my ex wasn’t the start of my singleness. We had broken up a few years before that. But after 8.5 years in a (sometimes dysfunctional) relationship, I figured staying single for a while was a good idea.

A year turned into 2 then 3. And now, it’s been over 6 years!

And I’m still single.

This was not the plan!

This is without a doubt the longest I’ve been single since I started dating in my teens. And it’s a double-edged sword.

On the one hand, I do miss some parts of being in a relationship- the intimacy, the companionship, the partnership of creating a life together. It really is in the little things.

Intimacy is something that I miss when I'm single. That's the hole in my gut that food doesn't fill. 🙁

— Bianca Welds 💯 (@biancawelds) February 12, 2017

Early morning and late night are my loneliest times. I miss conversation and cuddling. Worst part of being single. #SoloLife

— Bianca Welds 💯 (@biancawelds) January 28, 2018

On the other, getting into a relationship would mean giving up all the good things about being single- answering to no one, freedom to do as I choose, creating a life that suits me with no compromises.

Whatever we want whenever we want with whoever we want 🤷🏽‍♀️ https://t.co/Uf7uJxfJAu

— Bianca Welds 💯 (@biancawelds) August 2, 2019

And the real problem is that the longer I am single, the harder it gets to imagine going back into a relationship. Somebody would have to come real good to make it worth relationshipping.

For the first year or two, I knew I wasn’t ready to even think about it. For the next year or two, I was open to the idea but then the broken leg and the pandemic interfered. Last year, I think I was just trying to figure out my life again. And this year…? Well, I’ve found myself thinking a lot about relationships.

Of course, thinking alone doesn’t get you into a relationship. So obviously I’m still single, lol.

Although, admittedly, I have been dating fairly casually these last few years. Not with relationship intentions, but to just see what’s out there (not a lot), meet people (a very mixed bag) and explore my own relationship interests (not all conventional).

But I have been feeling the relationship pull more this year. And my recent year-end (aka pre-birthday) reflection and 2023 theme definition process has highlighted that the Love Relationship area of my life is one I’d like to put some focus on.

Not sure what that all means just yet. It does however warrant some more exploration so that I’m not here in another 6 years saying I’m still single.